I am seeing a lot of posts on social media lately from people who are pointing out that they spent the day smiling at people in an effort to show kindness. Some write that they were polite in traffic, or that when an old lady needed help, they helped her. While I applaud this behavior and think it’s wonderful, it also saddens me to think that someone smiles at others so seldomly that it becomes noteworthy, or remarkable. When did these behaviors become so rare that it’s something that we share with pride and hashtag as if we just lost 20 pounds after months of effort? Should not these things be normal, everyday behavior?

I have yet to see a post where someone declared with pride that they put on deodorant or brushed their teeth. Unless, of course, they are kidding or have been very ill. Why? Because these are normal behaviors, at least for the majority. lol

I ask myself, why does it makes me happy that others are bringing the importance of simple kindness to the forefront of our awareness while I have never once given someone, aside from my son when he was 3, a pat on the back for having brushed their teeth or gotten dressed.

This leaves me with mixed feelings about personally posting about how amazing I feel because I decided to be a kind person today. Should I not be a kind person every day? Should smiling at people, helping the older woman at the gas station, or simply giving a stranger a kind word, be so rare that it’s post worthy? To me this is as normal as putting on clothes before I go outside. Should I start posting about that too?

Any of us can only speak for ourselves and from our own unique and beautiful perspective. For me, I have never found kindness rare. I smile at people all the time and they always smile back. I’ve always done my best to be kind to others and people have been overly generous with me. So many times I’ve been told that I live a charmed life. I’ve had unbelievably challenging obstacles and humongous opportunities for growth as I like to call them, yet I have lived a charmed life, because I believe that life is charmed.

When I feel something is lacking in the world, it almost always means that the same thing is lacking in me. I have found the world is a reflection of what I am thinking and feeling.

When you think of kindness, what comes to mind ~ lack or abundance?

If you want to know how to network more effectively, start by asking yourself the purpose of wanting to meet new people.

Social clubs are about meeting people with similar interests. You can select special interest social groups like yoga meetup groups, gardening or book clubs, although some may contend that book club is code for wine club. And you can find plenty of wine clubs too!

There are also spiritually based gatherings that include meditation circles, Reiki circles drum circles, sound healing gatherings and more. There are no shortage of spiritual gatherings if you know where to look.

Many times we wish to attend networking events to gain skills. Great examples of this are writing gatherings for authors, Toastmasters, chess club. Each of these is effective for teaching and helping to improve your skills while engaging in group activities.

Another good reason to network is to pick up new clients. In that case, you have to look it where your clients are hanging out and those are the places that you want to go.

Finding more resources for your projects and to achieve your goals can be a major objective for networking. Perhaps you’re putting together a new project and you need to meet people that can help you on that journey.

There are many Business clubs as well. They feature a monthly meeting where they have a speaker each month to teach the member something new. There’s also networking events where the speakers are meant to inspire you. At those networking events it’s all about making new contacts and people pass business cards throughout the reading. I have found many Chamber of Commerce meetings are like that. It can be a very effective way to meet new people, however, if you don’t follow up with the connections that you make, you’re wasting your time.

One of the most advantageous networking groups is the Mastermind Group. One of the benefits of masterminding is that, by sharing your idea with others, because they have had different experiences in life than you have had, they will come up with different ideas that might be very good for you. A mastermind group also gives you a place to test market your ideas to make sure they’re good ones before you move forward. How many times if we thought we had a fantastic idea only to realize it wasn’t all that great on further reflection. A mastermind group can save you a lot of time and money with that. You can also test market the wording in your social media posts and brochures as well as the visuals of the advertisements and content that you’re putting to make sure it is effective. A mastermind group gives you more personal resources, and when you show your mastermind group your why, why you’re so passionate about what you’re doing, you’ll develop a strong success team to elevate and support you.
The accountability that a mastermind group holds you too will hold you to a higher standard, and you will elevate your game just because you know people are watching. If you’re engaging any mastermind group to the fullest, you will also be setting weekly goals. Your goals are more likely to become accomplished when you tell other people you’re going to do them. Especially people that you like and respect. And now that you have a mastermind group of people who like and respect you, you know you’re going to get more business as well as being fulfilled by those connections of the heart.

CommUNITY

If you are ready to find your community of people who will elevate you in all these areas of your live, please visit the Transcended Souls Mega Mastermind CommUNITY.

“How can I network more effectively,” is a question that, as a life and business coach, I am often asked. While there are many aspect of that question that could be addressed, (what do want to get out of the networking event, how to pick the right networking event, how to get the most out of networking) what I am going to focus on in this article is how to get to know a stranger without things getting weird.

You know what I mean. You say, “Hi my name is Cassi, I provide a place for entrepreneurs to learn, grow and spotlight their talents. What do you do?” They say, “Hi, I’m Sue.” You smile at each other as you wait for the other person to continue. You rack your brain for questions to ask and, as you fall short, you scan the crowd for a familiar face or try to figure out where the bathroom is so you can make your getaway. You simply don’t know what to say and the awkwardness is growing.

I am going to share something a guest speaker at a networking event shared with the group. It’s an easy way to make sure you know exactly what questions to ask so you find a common bond and connect with that wonderful new person. It’s fun and easy.

Imagine that you’re at a networking meeting. You see somebody who looks interesting and you want to meet them. You walk over and hold your hand out introducing yourself and look at their name badge. That will prompt you to ask your first question, what is your name?

Once they answer, telling you their name, imagine the name tag falls off their shirt and falls on the ground. When you look at it, you noticed there’s a picture of the world on the back of the name tag. This prompts you to ask your second question, where are you from?

Once they answer this question, the name tag is swept away by a breeze. You follow where it goes with your eyes and notice it lands in front of a house. This prompts your third question. Where do you live now?

When they answer that question, you look at the house and noticed there is a big picture window. When you look inside you see a family. That prompts your next question. Tell me about your family.

So far, we have the following questions:
What’s your name?
Where are you from?
Where do you live now?
Tell me about your family.

A great start. Let’s continue imagining.

You are looking through the big picture window and you noticed that there is a cat and a dog sitting on the sofa in the living room. This reminds you to ask your new friend if they have any pets.

You also notice that there are weights in the living room. The set of weights has a plus on one side and a minus on the other side. The set of weights reminds you to ask this person about their work. When they tell you about it, the plus on one side prompts you to ask what they like about their job. The minus on the other side of the weights prompts you to ask them what they do not like about their job.

Then you notice that they have a set of golf clubs in the corner of the room. This reminds you to ask them what they like to do for fun.

So by now you have asked them:
What’s your name?
Where are you from?
Where do you live now?
Tell me about your family.
Do you have any pets?
What do you do for work?
What do you like about your job?
What do you not like about your job?
What do you do for fun?

After asking all these questions, they will love the fact that you were so interested in them and you will certainly find common ground so that you’re able to branch out and form a more genuine conversation.

Now that you know how to network more effectively and become comfortable making new friends, you will want to find the right group to fit your objectives and ask the right questions before, during and after the event to network more effectively.

I have been asked many times, “how can I become more confident?” Confidence makes you feel good about the future and reduces anxiety. Confidence is one of the most important accessories you can wear to attract success, prosperity and literally anything you want in life. If you want to know how to become more confident, this is an easy way to learn more. I have always had a high degree of confidence and it was bolstered during the third part of my Christmas Eve dream.

Bah Humbug Part 3

… Awake once more, I looked over at my husband, still sleeping in the massage chair, and thought, “I don’t remember drinking that much eggnog.”

Scrooge was still on the big screen TV in his black and white attire, calmer than he seemed last time I checked in on him. I felt calmer too. Calmer, but with more purpose than I had previously felt. I was braver than I knew and smarter than I thought. I started to think about Winnie the Pooh and the image of Pooh morphed into an older version of myself. I noticed that my skin had aged remarkably well and made a mental note to make an appointment for a facial to keep up the good work!

“Do I actually get to see into the future,” I asked myself?

“We will look at two versions of the future. It’s important to see that every choice will create a different version of your future.”

With that she took my hand and showed me a good life. My husband and I were still in love. I got to see my son once a year and every few years we would take vacations together. There was more I wanted to do, but what I had was better than many had it. I was content with this version of my future.

Until she showed me the second version of my life. I could vacation whenever I wanted, having an abundance of money. I had a vacation home in Vermont, so I could spend summers close to my son and his family. I had true freedom. Most of all, I got to see all the people that were changed by my words.  I was speaking on a large stage to a crowd of over 5,000 people, sharing thoughts and words that were changing their lives. I felt this was my purpose, to change lives. And I wanted to do it in a big way, just like I was seeing before me.

I was feeling the discord inside as I turn to my older and wiser self and stated, “But I’m not that good. How can I ever get good enough to change lives through my words?”

“You have given that speech over 1,000 times. That is why you are so good at it. Trust in your abilities. Practice until it becomes easy. This will give you the confidence you need to follow your true path.

You are braver than you know and smarter than you think. If you ever feel the claw of fear, always be confident in knowing that you can accomplish anything you set out to do and just shout at that stupid old feeling, “Bah Humbug!”

With that final awakening, I felt truly awakened. With a new sense of self-love, renewed courage and the key to confidence, I knew I couldn’t play small anymore.

I invite you to remember, you are braver than you know and smarter than you think. And if you ever feel the tug of regret, hear the voice of doubt or feel the claw of fear, please feel free to use my wakeup call, and just shout at that stupid old feeling, BAH HUMBUG.

And if you want to develop more confidence, engage in the 3 P’s! Plan, prepare and practice! More on that next week!

If you want to develop self-love, my previous blog Self Love and Ghosts from the Past is a fun and effortless way to absorb this very important message.

Bah Humbug Part 2

I had just woke from a dream featuring the ghost of a much younger me. It seemed I was jolted out of the first dream as quickly as I slid right into its continuation.  

… With that the girl was gone, my husband was still in his chair, which was no longer vibrating and Ebenezer Scrooge was looking quite pale. I reflected for a moment on this dream or vision I had, feeling something new. Feeling a glow of self-love that was stronger than I had ever felt before and I thought isn’t this the best Christmas gift ever?

Smiling, I looked back over to my left and now saw my twin, an identical version of me at my current age. I thought, this is so cool. I had always wanted a twin! Of course that was mostly in high school so she could take the classes I didn’t want to. (Yes, I imagined her liking all the classes I didn’t.)

“Hey” I said. “Look at us. We are doing great, aren’t we?”

“No,” she said quite seriously.

Already I was liking the younger version of me a lot better.

I ran through the check list of all that I had to be grateful for. Wonderful husband, great family, fantastic friends, nice home…

“It’s not about you or us. It’s about them.”

With that, she took my hand and I was able to see into homes. Some were homes of people I knew. Some were homes of people I have yet to meet. Each of these homes had one thing in common. There were people in pain inside those home. They were locked in the vicious circle of negative thoughts creating a negative life and didn’t know how to get out.

Immediately I started defending myself. “I try to set a good example. I try to deliver the message of how important it is to transform your thoughts.”

“Are you doing all you can?”

I didn’t answer and that in itself was the answer.

“Why not?” I demanded of myself.

“What do I have to say that is so unique? It’s all been said before, so how am I supposed to make such a big difference?”

Her answer was simple. “You make a difference by giving. The more you give, the greater the difference you make. Never doubt yourself. Instead, think about why we need to do more and give more. There are others who need us, and let that will give you courage. You are braver than you know and smarter than you think. If you ever hear the voice of doubt, always remember how much they need us and just shout at that stupid old voice, “Bah Humbug!”

Awake once more, I looked over at my husband, still sleeping in the massage chair, and thought, “I don’t remember drinking that much eggnog.”

Then I reflected on the message the dream delivered to me. I knew that if I looked at the past with loving memories and had forgiven myself and others, I would be free of the doubt and regret that could come to mind too often, distracting me from the wonderful present that I truly was grateful for. I also knew now, that when I was giving to others, I felt good and stayed in the now. This increased my appreciation for all I had and feel deep gratitude for what I was experiencing in the moment.

If I could stop worrying about the future, I knew I would feel the freedom of enjoying and basking in every glorious moment of every day. When I fell back asleep with that on my mind, I learned so much about confidence and trusting in the future when I was visited by my Ghost of the Future. Join my next blog to learn what happened in Dreamland.

It was Christmas Eve and my husband and I do what all fun loving, party animals do on Christmas Eve. We visited with friends, then came home by 9:00 pm and plopped down in front of the television.

It wasn’t long before I heard my husband’s soft snore and the old holiday classic, A Christmas Carol, began to air. There are many adaptations of this movie and that night, the 1957 black and white rendition featuring Alastair Sim was showing. Now these old movies can be extraordinary in their cheesiness, and this film was no different. If you are in the right mood, there is humor that can be found in how campy this movie is.

You have the serious voice of the man who is narrating, “Ebenezer Scrooge was a miserly man indeed,” and that old school soundtrack that where you hear the choir of violins escalating in pitch to indicate trouble was brewing. This movie is an all-natural cure for insomnia that is more effective than watching the golf channel.

Now have you ever had a dream that was so real, that you were later sure that it must have been?

As I was sitting there watching, I sensed another person was in the room with my husband and I. I turned to the left and looked at the love seat that was between the sofa I was on and the recliner my husband was in and there before me, I had my own Jacob Marley. Only I wasn’t afraid because my ghost wasn’t old and decrepit like Jacob Marley. My ghost was adorable. She was a younger, five year old version of me.

I was really excited. It felt like I had discovered a long lost friend and I was overwhelmed with joy. I went to her, dropped to one knee and took her in my arms and for a minute or two, I just held her. She had a warm welcome smile and all the innocence of youth about her. I had not realized how much I missed her.
“It’s been too long,” the little voice said to me. “Let’s sit and reminisce.”

We took a seat and she had a photo album in her hand. We were both smiling when she opened the first page. There was a picture of me sitting in a swing on the playground by my house in Pennsylvania. I was probably about 4 years old and I was fast asleep in the swing. I remembered begging my mom to push me a little more, and a little more. She pushed that swing until I had fallen asleep then took the picture. This memory made me feel safe and warm.

The next picture was of my fifth birthday party. My mother had made a tiger cake for me and all my friends were there as I was blowing out the candles. I was in my Mary Poppins dress and I remembered feeling very loved.

When we turned the page once more, my smile started to fade. It was my school picture from when I was eight years old. I had gone to a private school that year and although I was what one would call a “major goodie two shoes to the extreme”, one day during this school year, I had been called into the dean’s office and told I was no better than a common harlot because the skirt I was wearing was more than one inch above my knee.

“This is when I first started to believe that there was something wrong with me,” I said flatly.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that and I want to thank you so very much for experiencing that,” said the younger version of me. I looked at her quizzically and she continued. “You see, the reason that felt so uncomfortable and wrong to you is not because you were wrong. You just picked out a cute skirt with no thought of boys at all. What was wrong was the man. He may have devoted his life to God, but he was just a man and he was wrong. Because you allowed us to experience that, we learned that you can’t blindly believe or follow what another says, and trust me, that saved us from many mistakes that would not have been good for us at all.

I felt a little better as she turned another page and revealed a picture of me as a cheerleader in high school. This once more brought up conflicting feelings. I was next to another cheerleader, a girl that threatened to beat me up in eighth grade because she thought her boyfriend liked me. At the time, being bullied seemed like further proof that there was a problem with me so while I try to hold onto the good memories, the feelings that came up from that time period were not good.

A sweet voice broke through my thoughts. “Thank you so very much for allowing us to go through that. We were part of the popular group but I know how alone you always. You never felt like you fit in and I was there to feel how painful that was. Yet it is because of this that you became a leader, thinking on your own and making your own choices. We would have become one of the crowd otherwise, giving in to peer pressure.

She flipped the page once more, showing me a picture of me getting married. I just started laughing. We both did. It could be easy to look at that as a big mistake and something to regret. Especially if you knew how all that turned out. Yet I have my son, who I adore with all my heart. It was easy to look at that “mistake”, my first wedding, as a blessing.

Five year old me looked up at me with bright shining eyes and whispered, “thank you. All the things you have gone through. All the choices you may sometime wish you had not made, they all allowed us to become who we are. You have been braver than you know and smarter than you think. If you ever feel the tug of regret, always remember how much I love and appreciate you and just shout at that stupid old feeling, “Bah Humbug!”

With that the little girl was gone, my husband was still in his chair, which was no longer vibrating and Ebenezer Scrooge was looking quite pale. I reflected for a moment on this dream or vision I had, feeling something new. Feeling a glow of self-love that was stronger than I had ever felt before and I thought isn’t this the best Christmas gift ever?
As I awoke, I felt truly awakened. I realized that the way I thought about my past created my beliefs about myself, my value and my worthiness. I also realized that if I would look back and find the golden nugget in each of the memories that made me currently feel bad about myself, I could use those memories to make me feel good about myself and all I have accomplished. I also realized the importance of forgiving others, and especially myself.

I did fall back asleep and met the ghost of Cassi present and the ghost of Cassi future, and I will share what those dreams taught me in my next blog.