~Disassociation for Gaining Confidence~
Neuro linguistics, or the language of the mind, never ceases to fascinate me. We do have all the resources we need inside of us, and when you know how your mind works, you can map your way to the unlimited solutions and possibilities that lie within.
Being confident provides you with more opportunities because people believe in people who believe in themselves! Confidence makes you feel good too. There are many ways to become confident, yet the strategy I am going to share with you is powerful and can be used in so many different ways.
Nervousness and fear push confidence out. Just as turning on the light in a room causes the darkness to vanish, when we understand our less than supportive feelings, we can vanquish the fear and allow the confidence to shine brightly as well.
The reason we get nervous is that we are afraid that we will not do well, that people will laugh at us or reject our ideas and we are not sure we are capable or as capable as others are. WE TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY.
Today’s focus is on not taking it personally if you do not get the desired outcome.
Ever notice how it is easier to give others advice than to have a clear path for yourself? This happens in business and relationships. This is because we take things personally. When you do not get a desired outcome, you label it, and yourself, a failure. You cannot see that the only failure is when you don’t try and that you are always gaining and winning when you put effort towards a worthy goal.
Bring to mind your child. If you don’t have kids of your own, think of a niece or neighborhood child you are fond of. If that child came to you asking you for advice, you would look at the situation objectively, with no personal involvement other than wanting what is best for the little one. You would consider her situation, try to view it from all angles, come up with as many solutions as possible, find the best one, probably have a back-up plan or two to share with her, let her know that no matter what the outcome is that as long as she tries her best, she will gain valuable skills to make her better and better. This is logical thought process and without personal emotional attachment, our skills of reasoning are much more proficient.
Disassociation is brilliant in its simplicity. It works because you take yourself out of the equation, thus taking the emotion out of the equation.
1. Find a quiet spot where you can have a few minutes to yourself.
2. Bring to mind a situation that has you upset or nervous.
3. Close your eyes and imagine that situation. When you do, imagine it as if you are above the scene and looking down. See yourself as if you are watching a movie.
4. Notice what is going on as you see the situation play out in front of you, but no matter what someone says or does, or how things turn out, simply notice what is happening.
5. Now think of all the positive that is in this situation. What did you learn that you can use in the future? What possible solution could work in this situation? Explore all possibilities and assure the person in the movie you are watching (you) of all the good in the situation.
By not taking the situation personally, you will not label yourself a failure. You will instead do your best and recognize that you gained a lot. This is keep your self-esteem and confidence from eroding when things don’t seem to go your way. The more you deal with challenging situations in an effective and productive way, the more your confidence will soar.
Teaching children to think this way is important, especially girls. In females, the amygdala, or area of the brain responsible for worrying is much more active than in males. When you introduce those interesting hormones on top of that, you have a recipe for high drama and taking everything personally. The long term damage can be staggering.
Practice this and share with your children. The best way to protect your kids is to teach them to protect themselves.
