Self-Love and Ghosts From the Past

It was Christmas Eve and my husband and I do what all fun loving, party animals do on Christmas Eve. We visited with friends, then came home by 9:00 pm and plopped down in front of the television.

It wasn’t long before I heard my husband’s soft snore and the old holiday classic, A Christmas Carol, began to air. There are many adaptations of this movie and that night, the 1957 black and white rendition featuring Alastair Sim was showing. Now these old movies can be extraordinary in their cheesiness, and this film was no different. If you are in the right mood, there is humor that can be found in how campy this movie is.

christmas-carol-movie ghost

You have the serious voice of the man who is narrating, “Ebenezer Scrooge was a miserly man indeed,” and that old school soundtrack that where you hear the choir of violins escalating in pitch to indicate trouble was brewing. This movie is an all-natural cure for insomnia that is more effective than watching the golf channel.

Now have you ever had a dream that was so real, that you were later sure that it must have been?

As I was sitting there watching, I sensed another person was in the room with my husband and I. I turned to the left and looked at the love seat that was between the sofa I was on and the recliner my husband was in and there before me, I had my own Jacob Marley. Only I wasn’t afraid because my ghost wasn’t old and decrepit like Jacob Marley. My ghost was adorable. She was a younger, five year old version of me.

I was really excited. It felt like I had discovered a long lost friend and I was overwhelmed with joy. I went to her, dropped to one knee and took her in my arms and for a minute or two, I just held her. She had a warm welcome smile and all the innocence of youth about her. I had not realized how much I missed her.
“It’s been too long,” the little voice said to me. “Let’s sit and reminisce.”

We took a seat and she had a photo album in her hand. We were both smiling when she opened the first page. There swingwas a picture of me sitting in a swing on the playground by my house in Pennsylvania. I was probably about 4 years old and I was fast asleep in the swing. I remembered begging my mom to push me a little more, and a little more. She pushed that swing until I had fallen asleep then took the picture. This memory made me feel safe and warm.

 

The next picture was of my fifth birthday party. My mother had made a tiger cake for me and all my friends were there as I was blowing out the candles. I was in my Mary Poppins dress and I remembered feeling very loved.

When we turned the page once more, my smile started to fade. It was my school picture from when I was eight years old. I had gone to a private school that year and although I was what one would call a “major goodie two shoes to the extreme”, one day during this school year, I had been called into the dean’s office and told I was no better than a common harlot because the skirt I was wearing was more than one inch above my knee.Little Cassi with Shadow

“This is when I first started to believe that there was something wrong with me,” I said flatly.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that and I want to thank you so very much for experiencing that,” said the younger version of me. I looked at her quizzically and she continued. “You see, the reason that felt so uncomfortable and wrong to you is not because you were wrong. You just picked out a cute skirt with no thought of boys at all. What was wrong was the man. He may have devoted his life to God, but he was just a man and he was wrong. Because you allowed us to experience that, we learned that you can’t blindly believe or follow what another says, and trust me, that saved us from many mistakes that would not have been good for us at all.

I felt a little better as she turned another page and revealed a picture of me as a cheerleader in high school. This once more brought up conflicting feelings. I was next to another cheerleader, a girl that threatened to beat me up in eighth grade because she thought her boyfriend liked me. At the time, being bullied seemed like further proof that there was a problem with me so while I try to hold onto the good memories, the feelings that came up from that time period were not good.

cheerleaders

A sweet voice broke through my thoughts. “Thank you so very much for allowing us to go through that. We were part of the popular group but I know how alone you always. You never felt like you fit in and I was there to feel how painful that was. Yet it is because of this that you became a leader, thinking on your own and making your own choices. We would have become one of the crowd otherwise, giving in to peer pressure.

She flipped the page once more, showing me a picture of me getting married. I just started laughing. We both did. It could be easy to look at that as a big mistake and something to regret. Especially if you knew how all that turned out. Yet I have my son, who I adore with all my heart. It was easy to look at that “mistake”, my first wedding, as a blessing.

Five year old me looked up at me with bright shining eyes and whispered, “thank you. All the things you have gone through. All the choices you may sometime wish you had not made, they all allowed us to become who we are. You have been braver than you know and smarter than you think. If you ever feel the tug of regret, always remember how much I love and appreciate you and just shout at that stupid old feeling, “Bah Humbug!”

With that the little girl was gone, my husband was still in his chair, which was no longer vibrating and Ebenezer Scrooge was looking quite pale. I reflected for a moment on this dream or vision I had, feeling something new. Feeling a glow of self-love that was stronger than I had ever felt before and I thought isn’t this the best Christmas gift ever?
As I awoke, I felt truly awakened. I realized that the way I thought about my past created my beliefs about myself, my value and my worthiness. I also realized that if I would look back and find the golden nugget in each of the memories that made me currently feel bad about myself, I could use those memories to make me feel good about myself and all I have accomplished. I also realized the importance of forgiving others, and especially myself.

I did fall back asleep and met the ghost of Cassi present and the ghost of Cassi future, and I will share what those dreams taught me in my next blog.

Gain Confidence by Getting Out Of Your Head

~Disassociation for Gaining Confidence~

Neuro linguistics, or the language of the mind, never ceases to fascinate me. We do have all the resources we need inside of us, and when you know how your mind works, you can map your way to the unlimited solutions and possibilities that lie within.

People believe in people

Being confident provides you with more opportunities because people believe in people who believe in themselves! Confidence makes you feel good too. There are many ways to become confident, yet the strategy I am going to share with you is powerful and can be used in so many different ways.

 

Nervousness and fear push confidence out. Just as turning on the light in a room causes the darkness to vanish, when we understand our less than supportive feelings, we can vanquish the fear and allow the confidence to shine brightly as well.

The reason we get nervous is that we are afraid that we will not do well, that people will laugh at us or reject our ideas and we are not sure we are capable or as capable as others are. WE TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY.

Today’s focus is on not taking it personally if you do not get the desired outcome.

Ever notice how it is easier to give others advice than to have a clear path for yourself? This happens in business and relationships. This is because we take things personally. When you do not get a desired outcome, you label it, and yourself, a failure. You cannot see that the only failure is when you don’t try and that you are always gaining and winning when you put effort towards a worthy goal.

parent-talking-to-child

Bring to mind your child. If you don’t have kids of your own, think of a niece or neighborhood child you are fond of. If that child came to you asking you for advice, you would look at the situation objectively, with no personal involvement other than wanting what is best for the little one. You would consider her situation, try to view it from all angles, come up with as many solutions as possible, find the best one, probably have a back-up plan or two to share with her, let her know that no matter what the outcome is that as long as she tries her best, she will gain valuable skills to make her better and better. This is logical thought process and without personal emotional attachment, our skills of reasoning are much more proficient.

Disassociation is brilliant in its simplicity. It works because you take yourself out of the equation, thus taking the emotion out of the equation.

1. Find a quiet spot where you can have a few minutes to yourself.

2. Bring to mind a situation that has you upset or nervous.

3. Close your eyes and imagine that situation. When you do, imagine it as if you are above the scene and looking down. See yourself as if you are watching a movie.

4. Notice what is going on as you see the situation play out in front of you, but no matter what someone says or does, or how things turn out, simply notice what is happening.

5. Now think of all the positive that is in this situation. What did you learn that you can use in the future? What possible solution could work in this situation? Explore all possibilities and assure the person in the movie you are watching (you) of all the good in the situation.

By not taking the situation personally, you will not label yourself a failure. You will instead do your best and recognize that you gained a lot. This is keep your self-esteem and confidence from eroding when things don’t seem to go your way. The more you deal with challenging situations in an effective and productive way, the more your confidence will soar.

soaring eagle 2

Teaching children to think this way is important, especially girls. In females, the amygdala, or area of the brain responsible for worrying is much more active than in males. When you introduce those interesting hormones on top of that, you have a recipe for high drama and taking everything personally. The long term damage can be staggering.

Practice this and share with your children. The best way to protect your kids is to teach them to protect themselves.

How to Build Confidence and Self-Esteem Doing Nothing

We are always looking for ways to improve ourselves, it’s just in our nature. Knowing how to build confidence is valuable because confident people will live happier, healthier more successful lives. Confidence produces an energy that supercharges our goals and our lives. We feel good when we are confident and that also bolsters our self-esteem, another valuable asset for living a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Without confidence
• You will not attempt new things that will allow you to grow
• You will feel that you have less value as a person
• You create limiting beliefs and settle for less than you deserve and can have in life
• The stress of being asked to do things you are not comfortable with will release toxins into your system and make you unhealthy
• Worry becomes an overwhelming side-effect
• Eventually you will wallow in regret for things you were too afraid to do
• You think in terms of why you can’t do things rather than how to make it happen, thus sabotaging yourself

Confidence and self-esteem are so important to the quality of your existence and I am going to tell you one of the top things you can do to gain confidence.

NOTHING.

Seriously, nothing! Most people call this nothing meditation.

Ask yourself, is it worth 30 minutes a day, (15 in the morning and 15 at night), to have a calmer, happier, more organized, satisfying and successful life where I feel better mentally physically and spiritually? And in this time all I have to do is nothing.

psychic

I don’t have to be psychic to know that most sane people will answer a resounding YES! Even some not so sane people will as well. I mean, with all the responsibilities and things on the 2 page to do list, who wouldn’t like a few minutes a day to do nothing?

There’s no shame in this game either, because you actually are doing something by doing nothing. Those who meditate on a regular basis have always reported being calmer, lower blood pressure, increased clarity and energy, and a plethora of other mental and physical benefits. Now science is backing it all up.

Neuro scientists have been studying the amygdala, the region in the brain associated with worry and regret, for decades. During their research it was discovered that regular meditation calmed the activity in this area of our brain and over an extended period those who engaged in regular meditation were able to manage stress better.

This is especially important for women since we are physically wired to be more nervous and less confident than men. We also release a lot of cortisol when we stress and worry and this makes us gain weight.

So why is it a great idea to do nothing a couple times a day and have a clear conscious about taking that time for yourself?
• Weight loss
• Calmer thoughts
• Happier overall
• Less worry and regret making room for positive, supportive thoughts
• Lower blood pressure
• Lower stress
• Healthier heart
• Better lung capacity
• More clarity
• Stronger focus
• Builds confidence
• Supports self-esteem

 

The side effects are
• Better health
• Closer spiritual connection
• Better relationships
• More successful in achieving goals
• Fulfillment of leading a meaningful life
• You just plain feel better about yourself and your life

My Purple Gift

Once you decide to give yourself this gift, you will want to start right away. I will give you the brief version of how to get started. Feel free to comment, ask questions or look for future blogs on the subject. Since it is the fastest and easiest way to gain confidence and self-esteem, I will be devoting a bit of attention to meditation and ways to deepen your meditation.

1. Pick a time of day in the morning and in the evening.
2. Select a quiet place where you will be free of distractions.
3. Wear loose, comfortable clothes.
4. If you are first starting, I recommend selecting a guided meditation. That way you can let go of all your thoughts and focus on the voice.
5. Be sure to turn off all cell phones.
6. Tell your mind before you begin that you will be meditating for 15 minutes (or the length of the meditation recording) and that everything else can wait until you are done.

If your thoughts drift away from the voice, gentle dismiss the thoughts and bring your attention back to the voice.
There is no need to listen intently to the voice, just relax and let your subconscious absorb the message.
If you have an itch that seems to be intensifying, gently scratch it and return your focus to the voice.
Relax, enjoy, get healthy, happy and shine your light bright!

Click here to listen to my Confidence Activating Meditation now.

My gift to you because I care.

Confidence vs. Self-Esteem

Many people think of confidence and self-esteem as the same thing. When we look a little closer, we will see that although they look similar, there are distinct differences between confidence and self-esteem that really do matter.

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, your value and your self-worth. Confidence is something you feel and emanate when you are certain you can achieve a desired outcome. Knowing the differences and learning how to grow both will give you an enormous advantage in all areas of your life. Both of these qualities seem to be lacking more in women than in men.

I Love Myself

A person with a strong self-esteem knows their strengths and appreciates them. They do not strive to be perfect, they strive to be the best they can be and know that is enough. They do not measure their worth by the way others treat them and will instead, treat themselves well. When a person has a strong self-esteem, they will be more optimistic, see opportunities and possibilities and will take on new challenges, confident that they have the ability to succeed or at the very least, learn lessons they will need to grow and advance. Self-esteem is all about how you feel about you.

People are confident in different tasks and confidence (as well as self-esteem) can be fostered.

Confidence can be developed in many ways. Preparation and practice being two key ways. When I first starting singing in a band, I would get very nervous. I had never done this before and wanted to do well, to have people like my performance. After all, who likes being told they stink? The band practiced 3 hours a night 3 nights a week. After about a year of practice and about 10 gigs, I couldn’t wait to get on stage. I loved singing and was certain that I would hit all the notes and make them sound good. I developed great confidence and was very self-assured when I would sing or play keyboards. Eventually we opened for bands like Huey Lewis and the News, Doobie Brothers, Kansas and many more. We had a crowd of almost 4,000 people for one of our shows and since I was prepared and had mastered singing the songs we played, I felt good about it.

I Can Do This

When you have strong self-esteem and feel good about yourself, you will be more confident in your ability to do well at new things. You will also be easy on yourself when you do not get the desired outcome in a project or meet a goal when you set a deadline. You will acknowledge how far you have come and set another deadline, not giving up until you reach your goal.

Both qualities are incredibly important to you well-being. And both qualities and be nurtured and developed.

Cassi Eubank

In my Facebook Group, the Confidence Zone, and here in my blog, we will discuss what confidence is, why women tend to lack in confidence, how you can become aligned with your confidence, things you can do to improve your self-esteem and confidence and give you the tools and techniques that will lead to a happier, healthier and more successful life. You will come to realize that many of your beliefs that do not make you feel good about yourself and your abilities, simply are not true. That is important because when that happens, you will be free to imprint new beliefs and use the tools provided so confidence and self-love become your way of life. And when you have these, you will feel better about yourself, your relationships, your future, your contribution to the world and you will find true success and lasting happiness.

For free meditations, articles, advice and effective ways to bolster your confidence and self-esteem and be the best you living the best life possible, join the Confidence Zone at www.Facebook.com/groups/1646338938920263